Political &

For Posterity





Should you wish to skip the Intro,

click on a finished work to the left

or on this page scroll down to


Recent Revisions & Additions


It's where all the new stuff first pops up, including the first chapter of my latest novel


But By Friday He Was Dead



   Taking a breather before one of my public readings at the Shakespeare & Company in Paris,


but not before a cab tried dropping me off here.


March 2018: Welcome to Anthony Steyning's homepage. ===========================================


Literary Fiction & Critical Non-Fiction Lab


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Life's a bitch, but she ain't all bad!

(Bogus XVIII)


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And don't forget my entertaining blog




to listen to the beguiling


Bet.e & Stef


I linked up with these soothing vocals, recorded at the Outremont Theatre in Montreal, posting them halfway down my Selected Poems section


Ipso Facto?

Abso Lutely!



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 A Passion


I was busy explaining to a slow friend of mine how the 'inspired' and 'possessed', but probably epilectic Hildegard von Bingen couldn't possibly be Crosby's German love child when I shouted  'I don't believe it, that man writes like his sofa!', later blaming my small outburst on the premature evaporation of my drink. A writer I know was interviewed from his own living room on Twittish Television, the thing a brown, soft, dull monstrosity with flowery pillows, quite static and like its owner... utterly straightlaced.

The internet’s different; no comfortable, outdated stuff should clutter it. In this spirit my site proposes to be a living document: I frequently re-think and re-draft my texts keeping them fluid and relevant. In fact, following their evolution might be of interest to international readers sympathetic to my work, perhaps even ready to do some cross-referencing as my novels find their roots in my essays and my essays in my novels depending on which one was written first. So that constant minor changes are aimed at reinforcing coherence and occasional overlapping a vital feature, given that modern life also plays that trick on us. Yes, it all sounds very complex, doesn't it? But intricacy looms only here and there. Didn't Orwell warn us we can't over-simplify, that it leads to crypto-totalitarian or at least despotic 'truths'?

All this demands a subversive type of writing, digging deep and trawling wide, exposing where not only all that beauty but the hurt began. And on this bumpy, twisting road, cutting through layers of bunk, I frequently discover how matters really stand, affecting people in surprising or even insidious ways. My last move to recreate these findings through half-real or fully fictional characters and core dynamics leading to specific human drama. In other words, fascinating events relived not via more headlines or insipid generalities but through ordinary people, from their urgent walking shoes and the pavement of the day on up.

Now please select play, essay, critique or a novel from the navigation bar on the left for the first part/chapters/paragraphs of each literary work.


I collaborate with








Both hardcovers are in the collection of the Yale and Harvard libraries

The Applicant now on Kindle by Endeavour Press for only 2.99 Euro:

Budapest My Love now on Kindle by Endeavour Press for only 3.99 Euro::




Clowns now available as an E-Novel for only $ 2.99

Please order a copy from


This is my first critique, from The Unbound Underground:


This book is an immensely gratifying experience. Where plot, character, language and historical context are concerned this book succeeds, brilliantly keeping everything focused, factual, and against all odds, fun. This book is engaging and teases the reader with tantalizing foreshadowing, without becoming too enamored with its own literariness. It's intelligent and emotionally honest, while still maintaining the pace of international intrigue.

Pass it on!





Enjoy ...





Amsterdam's Hegeraad Café. A. Steyning in black sombrero & white scarf & rapt APPLICANT prime suspect: obviously waiting for Godot... to crash. Or is that Leni Riefenstahl up there? Singing her immortal I'm forever blowing Goebbels? (Read Truth & Lies)



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Recent Revisions & Additions



The world's a wonder, the mind a most mysterious place...



... and how utterly tragic, rabid believers pining for the death of death, turning to murder to obtain it!



Moral equality is what the world needs most



I wrote this Fore Play to my Charlie's Not Home Much Anymore:


- Lord!?

- Yes, yes, what is it?

- Lord, I have bad news!

- Well, what is it?

- It seems, m'Lord, that we have intelligence on earth!

- Oh, SHIT! How did that happen?

- I don't know, m'Lord! An accident....

- So now what?

- I don't know, m'Lord! Search for an answer... meantime... at least pretend you care!

- Why?

- Or they'll fear that you set them up!

- No. I didn't. I have better things to do! You just said it, it was accident! So next time, let's be more careful!

- Next time, m'Lord?

- And only if these prove that they're worth it...

- It doesn't look that way! Way too many morons and arseholes!

- So, then why do I have to pretend anything?

- I know, it's disconcerting! They even believe that prayer and sucking up to you fixes everything...

- No matter what I do, or do not do? I might as well not exist...

- You might as well, m'Lord! But let them pretend that you do, just in case...

- In case of what? This is getting very confusing! I had more fun making tigers and spiders and elephants!




I also just completed But by Friday he was Dead (Subtitle: McRae's Journey) and hope to get a Literary Agent or vibrant Publishing House to help me protect my copy and film rights placing the work on both sides of the Atlantic. It's a 143 page XXI Century novella reflecting the full pulse of our times through the eyes of 3 priceless American characters who run into a visiting Reuters foreign correspondent in New York.

The work is a literary microcosm of contemporary western life. It uses juicy character analysis followed by high voltage intrigue when it slides from a political story into a murderous thriller. It combines electrifying world-view and historical nuggets with outrageous humour; with no one getting a good story out of a cucumber salad think Henry Miller meeting Graham Greene at a well-stocked, late night Manhattan bar..!

This is tragicomedy at its very best!

And here's my very first Internet critique:


I should confess this book was really gorgeous. The content is so interesting you cannot even imagine. The whole text, the dialogues, the descriptions are great. Generally, drama is not my favorite genre, but this book allured me. The content, the description everything was really catchy. Drama is one of those genres, that if written badly it can seem too boring. But if written great, the book will be perfect. This is that kind of book. I would highly recommend you to get this book, if you are a drama lover. You will be amazed to see all the changes that happen throughout the book.

signed Christina Wolf


Now Chapter 1


But by Friday he was Dead

(working title)


                                   (subtitle: McRae’s Journey)                                   




Anthony Steyning



January 22/18 definitive draft







What's your name, the pretty thirty-two year old with an elongated and alabaster Nefertiti neck asked, mechanically flicking the ash off her burning Camel cigarette? She took him in with long lazy lashes and tired but not bedroom eyes, uninterested as she was in applying for a missionary position or anything of the sort…


The place had a high ceiling which he liked and also went with the neck, her hair black, angular, cropped on the short side. At least something and someone of interest, he thought, the lights subdued the way the scene dished out. Her dress and stiletto steel heels intrigued him: there had been far worse starts and tarts and it wasn't as if he didn't have taste. Now, if only he could light up this unusual face with the permanent mocking half-smile, melt the tip and the tits of the iceberg, survive the occasion, maybe get laid! It was well after eleven, more people entering, the night scene speeding up as she spoke. A shot of single malt Scotch or two and this lounge empress talking to him setting the pace, and yes, the whole thing a cliché, corny, but hey, she started it, she set herself up this way, asking who he was, a simple out of town dude in her opaque eyes probably the token sucker of the night.


So nope this lady wasn’t for the taking, uninterested in potential toy-boys, just a tad bored and completely Bull proof, not shy and something he was about to find out. After scrutinizing her quickly concluding he could say goodbye to his promising halfie hard-on, that she was no hooker or some easy, unbearable lightweight. Just someone like him, suffering from cabin fever the way a trapper in far northern Canada must feel, cooked up in some inhospitable abode for too many days or even weeks, beginning to spot palm trees, coconuts and exotic dancers in the wallpaper. Yes, yes, right here in New York, why not, in some digs three floors up, but sitting in front of an outdated, small-screen, black and white TV all day, ending up speaking like they did in the dozens of noir movies she had to have watched. So he chuckled and picked up the gauntlet, trading his carnal impulse for an attempt at humor despite her obvious attributes. For had she had two handsome German weightlifters as bodyguards people could have remarked she had an unbelievable pair of Teutons, and got away with it. But this not the case, let them just stick to that apt old joke of the pet shop owner and her remarkable parakeets to describe her amazing figure. And all of which made him enter a celluloid and smoky dialogue with her; what the hell, the whole thing no skin off his back, like water off a duck's ass as local parlance goes, sure of himself believing one is casually sophisticated and well-mannered or one is not!


- Hi! How are you? I’m McRae! Nice dress!

- You like it? Just bought it… Second hand!                 

- You must be Dorothy...

- Oh my God, I’m doomed! Why Dorothy?

- Because you look like...

- Dorothy Parker? You nuts? That's eighty years ago...

- So's the dress, eccentric, great...

- I'm Edna, if that's all right with you!

- Hello, Edna, you're stunning and look utterly bored!


Some women are not always the most attractive person in the room until they speak, at which point all their inner beauty comes out to shine and conquer. Others can be glacially beautiful, like the surface of a placid mountain lake, but also with the depth of a frying pan though Edna beat this rap on all counts; no dull mare on high heels she, it soon becoming evident! A girl who wasn't supposed to smoke but didn't give a damn, her small cigarette holder defiantly pointing at a ceiling painted black but covered with zinc air ducts and silver-taped wiring. The olive-skinned bartender from a place where his four-letter name Pepe is a diminutive for the four-letter José, but where not to make things any simpler they found it necessary to call him by the four-letter name Pato, Ducky, apparently waddling like one when he was young. A country where one walks slow but talks feverishly in an attempt to overwhelm verbally and not be questioned on anything even though it generally turns out chaotic, circular speakers don’t have much to say anyway. And where to reach that verbal speed colorful abbreviations come in handy, even a ‘must’ when endlessly shooting off one’s mouth with none of it preventing the flaunting of every known civil and religious law. Even after carrying the ornate, the life-size image of the Holy Virgin on shaky shoulders down wobbly cobbled streets, during holy week. Our Virtuous Lady, or Divine Shepherdess as she's sometimes called, in adoration raised up high by some who on their way home will still rob a bank or two or smack a lover in the face. A place where one venerates but also obfuscates and life won’t change a damn and why our guy did something different by learning how to shut his mouth, stand up straight and work hard the American way. Far from those in Spain who below their Holy Mary wear pointed medieval hats or don masks not to get recognized by the Devil to avoid his punishment and so Paradise not lost. A land with jails filled with mayors and bankers, those pillars of society, who instead of remorse express stern anger at getting jailed for ripping the public off and where debt chasers knock on doors dressed like Fred Astaire, collecting in Top Hat and Tails by publically shaming some poor bastard or sobbing widow. Now ain’t that a dance..!?


All of this to say why this barman didn’t give a damn and let her smoke when it was most illegal and even though this wasn’t some deliberate tobacco Blind Pig or make-believe, rip-roaring Twenties, a swinging Charleston flapper-dressed speakeasy. And so no, he clearly wasn't American, probably moonlighting, not naturalized, illegal, not part of the national DNA, not yet, the feeling that no matter what, you can't or won’t leave. Something having changed you profoundly, that from now on you totally belong. Including blind loyalty to somewhat adolescent rules and attitudes, having nothing to do with your accent or whether you hail from Poughkeepsie or Tucson, A.Z.


- What's that you're drinking?

- A Daiquiri...                                                                     

- A small Cuban lesbian?

- This one’s frozen…You're a howl, McRae! I had to run into you!       

- Ancient Egyptians believed that cats have seven lives...

- Always thought it was nine!

- Me too! But anyway, that on their seventh reincarnation, they turned into humans...

- Does this have anything to do… with anything?             

- You look like Nefertiti!

- I'm no cat!

- But human?

- Ah, that's for you to find out!


Forgetting that according to lore Schrödinger’s Cat could be dead and alive at the same time and often pretending to prefer dogs over humans just like that cranky old Diogenes, he had to admit this time he was dead wrong. She was cool and strangely distant even though she had asked him for his name, which didn't quite jive. He had napped a couple of hours, minus commercials, so an hour and a half probably, making him feel energetic and fine, but hoping he hadn't subliminally bought a lawn mower or thong. And a respite from what exactly, it must be asked, to which there was no immediate reply!? Suggesting he's for someone like Edna to find and sort out and she by someone like him, the way, if carefully listening to her, she had implied.


- How come you're alone?

- Who says I'm alone?

- Why else would you ask me my name...?

- Often I'm so much more than one person…! I dislike being me … each and every time!

- A second one doing the asking right now…?         

- Something like that! Does it matter a lot?


During the day cats pretend to be domesticated, but at night they go out and assassinate, and if they were the size of a lion they would kill you on your own front lawn. Dogs the only really tame ones, come evening retiring early, if they could put pajamas on. Centuries ago and on the neurotic side Montaigne already asked when I play with my cat, how can I be sure my cat isn’t playing with me!? And while she’d said she was no kitten she sure played like one, with McRae as her mouse and lucky at that. The luck not only hers but also his, certain hours, certain places suddenly coughing up people like them, having to make the most of it, killing boredom with mystery, no time for regrets or pre-obtained rights and privileges. He decided not to ask her whence she hailed, probably getting some strange answer, like the Panama Canal or Alaska, at which point he would be unable to resist asking her if she was one of those frostitutes he’d read about, a street walker from Anchorage, away on a hot, off-Washington Square sojourn. Where, in this erstwhile mechanical-bull and waiters-as-rodeo-clowns saloon, they’d just met. A venue a stone's throw from Wall Street and the New York Stock exchange, the geography where on the outside and here on the inside turbulence meets turbulence, rip tides cleverly disguised as insouciance. To McRae those in attendance representing the times or at least copying them, visibly incarnating them, looking like they were addicted to the night in strobe light. Their cell phones muted but lit and shining onto faces bobbing to chill-out hip hop sounds, that horrible substitute of the beguiling drums, horns and reeds of modern Jazz. Though Bach ain't bad despite the near military precision, the harmonious mathematics of sound and faith, but hard to drink to and this generation ready to party forty-eight hours straight. And all from within a sense of desperation he guessed, the fear that should they stop, everything would come to an end. Immersed in something that could only be described as a gnawing melancholy for the future, the desultory becoming a way of life, plunging, diving, swimming, relentlessly in waters which regardless and at one point will sweep them away. "Hi!", a twilight peacock spoke to the human fawn at the edge of temptation "Want to rest on my shoulders?". "But you have none!", a woman replied, " You're like the Bird of Paradise, you hold beauty, you hold promise, but you can fly me no place!" It's what he heard, or thought he overheard, but it was all in his mind and he wasn't even high.




He’d had trouble focusing of late, tonight no different, almost certainly becoming like them, the others over there across the aisle, too damn detached, even though by the looks and sound of her not this Pharaoh's wife, the only one to speak to him. But it’s hard to see what’s worse, the indifference he came to spot in others or that duality in him that Edna would later discover, at one point asking him for his help. As it would turn out this man McRae a double agent of himself, a double agent onto himself, even his own mirror, mirror on the wall when asked Who’s the fairest of them all, saying… Goddammit, who is this bird!?



- I'm sorry, my mind was inside a Brandenburg Concerto…

- Where’s that, up the street from Brighton Beach?

- Now you’re the riot! I was only taking in the place… All these people over there, so ready….

- So ready for what? You're strange! Perhaps the strange one! A strange stranger! Should I worry, sit somewhere else?

- What do you mean? Why the heck worry ‘bout me?

- Who else?


 C'mon, he insisted, it looks like we make a difference here, starting with what we wear, the way we both dress... But it was just that he loved loose fitting everything, and he wasn't even big or fat, but feeling more comfortable in something ostensibly sub-tropical. Including his slicked down and dark blond hair, a Mediterranean shark tooth dangling from a gold chain in an open neck  below a square, a stubble chin, and a pair of red framed shades uselessly riding his wavy crown. And what happens when one tries to blend in, ending up looking like some faggoty Gino with no chest hair, and most certainly not the smartest way to project any sort of character. His upper lip not his only stiff part he’d decided to hit a gin joint as they're called in Casablanca, but only on the silver screen. Whoever wrote this, he thought, probably claiming Bethlehem sports the oldest dairy shop in Palestine, a place called Cheeses Christ... But enough of this crap as Nazareth cheese is the real stuff and comes from Flanders, the land of Tintin, Hieronymus Bosch and Breughel, not of the Lord. So better get on with it, he decided, despite the heat and humidity and what that old Greek wrote, suggesting that as far as he was concerned they could throw his body to his four footed friends after he died. The ultimate gesture of love… but that’s another dance and one hell of a funeral!


Before leaving his digs McRae had taken a deep swig from his mickey, to loosen up and try and reach out to the perilous. Hell is the others the French toad wrote, and sounds about right. And why our man had opted for settling in that rare part of the city between stifling conformity and snide doormen falsely smiling while opening doors of washed and waxed late-model cars. And that other one, of anger, of constant violence, because it was Tuesday, or it just didn't make a damn difference there anymore. Many denizens on that side making sure they felt threatened, have enemies, impossible to have one if one’s a Nobody and therefore only a Somebody packing a gun or knife. And always at night! After it really gets dark, not during the daytime darkness of life, the late hours of deep lack of self-esteem and victimhood always shining bright. Like fluorescent phosphorus, hard to kill, impossible to wipe. A place featuring assaults as career moves, rape as a pastime. An area with no rest for the wicked, but also none for the pretty young things navigating streets pulling ugly ski caps deep down over fair hair, wearing oversized coats no matter the weather, hiding their figure not to get molested by the deplorable laureates of  a lousy youth, or other mishaps.


So there he was having rented a loft in no-man’s land, one none too easy to spot or to find even though this is a strip of city much, much wider than he realized. Containing hundreds of buildings with many of them rising like giant, sky grabbing, windowed suppositories or even dildos, put up to alleviate the sodomy of big business and big finance. Inside of which the mostly innocent are driven to live or work, according to what a New York man with a huge heart later told him. And a slippery metaphor it was, which he would only begin to understand after he’d met this little guy later on that same night. For now McRae still thinking he’d found the only street he could walk down or into getting neither converted nor mugged, which however was no small part of an imagination tending to overdramatize. For elsewhere there are many avenues like these, not only in New York. Cities like Buenos Aires, Budapest, Cairo, none of them paradise, far from it, but inhabited by loyalists. Refusing to leave, loathe to travel for even a day, almost afraid of risking their urban nest, by love attached to their neighbors, their hangouts, their corner loaf, their black coffee and local schnapps during good times and bad. The uncorrupted, neither Left Wing nor of the Right, inhabiting the space between Church and State, between Black and White and Existence and Drudgery, living smack in the middle of it all,  deep inside the bull’s eye. And all these feelings reflected in their profoundly melancholy Tango, Saïda and Czarda, the Blues over and over again, though here in A-train New York imported from St Louis, Missouri, by railroad. The Blues itself that train, steel wheels on iron tracks clonking, clonking an even driving rhythm under a haunting whistle drawn out long by speed and gravity but emanating from B.B. King’s guitar. Listened to by people at music halls as if they stood waiting at level crossings or on Platform 9, watching, one day hoping to jump on themselves; all aboard! Stories chanted and strummed, of loves lost, of moving on, to Chicago or Manhattan, North, East, where hope and work and better food awaited migrants leaving the South, the Black exodus that was.


Yet Blues or no Blues, there was no such song that our man could whistle or hum, a ransom paid by the rootless, free but adrift, often lost, losing. And let there be no doubt, even when nominally free of cassocks and tanks people in most places living the fear of street injustice, songs or no songs. In their hands holding newspapers ready to sensationalize, the city on Henry Hudson’s river no exception, proving Camus’ point saying a country’s only as good as its Presse. Within this quandary only they themselves representing the magnificent, the ultimate truth; to hell with detractors like McRae, our visiting resident, and never worthless or drab their life charged with all the existential passion his lacked.


Of course, it's not easy being hip; failure instantly punished in this part of town, though his baggy pants remained a great way to hide his aroused little friend, freely sniffing the territory, just like his beloved dogs would. This dog business again, and he didn't even own a canine, never had, but as people go too many having disappointed him, though not this gal, not her, not yet, maybe never, and anyway in general mostly the result of way too high, of naively inflated expectations on his part. Still, he was going to give the night a good try...


- So tell me, McRae, new in town? Where yah from?

- Not so new! I’ve been coming over for years! Even rented a place not far from here, just up the road...                                                                                         

- But where' yah from?

- Does it matter, you asked a moment ago…!? The Panama Canal!                       

- Just curious...        

- And this time, Edna, which one of you is doing all the asking..?

- The stupid, the conventional one! I hate her!

- She can't be all bad!  Didn’t I just remember her name?


She did say she was waiting for Bernie, her Wall Street mogul friend, the one she claimed she’d met in a park while he walked his pet giraffe, the one he played Frisbee with, the two laughing their head off and she joining in. The neck thing he thought studying her like Modigliani would, but he didn't say anything as she was making it all up, testing or making fun of him. Unless this Bernie guy was real, a man loving all things taller than him, especially a giraffe with whom he could never neck but play games, a short guy who no sooner said and done walked through the door, in his hand close to his mouth holding something that looked like a smoking turd, but must’ve been a Havana cigar.


- Oh, Hiya, Bernie!

- Hiya, Edna!

- This is McRae!


Bernie, a second to none midget, stood tall and had made it big in the financial world by selling short; his defiant, deeply ironic statement to the world at large. It's what Edna soon let on and in front of him or not would not lie or even joke about, though sometimes she would play with him like she would with a walking,  talking precious doll… Let's sit at a table, she said, Bernie doesn't really like to look up, only to be looked up at. So they moved away, taking along McRae, as a foreign correspondent accepting the invitation, always ready to go the core, what he was trained to do and what he was here for. Hoping one day it would pay off and make him a media star, no wannabe or also-ran, but someone shaping opinions rather than repeating them, coming up with the goods, expertly digging for and seizing all the bottom lines...


How's your proclivity? Kids all right? Need more help? Bernie asked Nefertiti, McRae almost falling off his chair, not sure if he'd heard right, wondering if he’d just met Mother Courage rather than a stunning lounge Queen. The little man puffed away on his cigar as he spoke, unmolested by management or any other naggers, in fact the two of them acting as if they were Royalty, which as it soon turned out they were though not in any conventional way. Proclivity, McRae asked? Yeah, you don't know? She runs a shelter for special needs kids, doing a great job, Bernie proudly clarified, knowing what's like to be down though not in the same searing sense.

- Bernie donated half a gazillion! Plus a yearly endowment, nothing to do with his dick!

- I saw her bring home a hurting youngster from the window of the limo, Rufus spotting her first...

- Rufus is our friend, ten feet tall!

- The thought entered my mind to offer her some help, to assist with the child...

- Thinking it would make him feel good! But also help him get into my pants!

- Finding love's not easy…

- You thought I'd give one away…

- Can you blame a small man?

- I give everybody everything, but never my bod!

- Your figure not public… I found out the hard way!         

- Bernie, sweetie, what can I do, what can I say, I prefer Rufus…!

- I wish I’d seen you barely…

- I love you for everything… in a different way!

- Rufus saw, conquered and came!

-Vidi, vici, veni?

- He's got a dork, longer than mine… As a matter of fact… longer than me!  Brags about him all the time! Calls him Bentley…

 - That’s one helluva stretch, but he makes his Bentley last… BIG time!!



So of course after this explicit exchange which seemed to be the thing with them, the inevitable question both raised was… Who the hell's McRae? A man at the end of his own cab-driven sex-drive, of which they weren’t aware and could only guess... For why else would anyone set foot in a setting like this, except if one’s a horny stock market speculator or an innocent charity worker removing herself from her cause, a few well-earned night-time hours at the time?


McRae thereupon owning up to being a foreign correspondent for Reuters, sent to the USA to figure out the puzzle of the Second Amendment vs Jesus Christ, the phenomenon of a Constitution used to wreck society, corpses sprawled out everywhere, like Nouvelle Cuisine. Why you, why now, Nefertiti asking him sweetly, toying with a man she wasn’t sure she could either believe or trust!? Then going on to suggest that as long as he knew the difference between LGBT and BLT, he was probably up to the job; McRae nodding, smiling gracefully, saying tongue-in-British-cheek that yes he’d heard one of the two involved Bacon! Both, actually, Nefertiti laughed knowing she’d been drawn into a conversational chess match. After her witty interjection McRae slowly confessing that some Kansas anthropologists settled in Hawaii where they gave birth to a child, but that his own mother ended up in Gibraltar, tracing the last known habitat of the Neanderthals to its caves, a place where some are rumored to still live, employed as surly waiters and croupiers. In this way attempting to confirm his legitimacy, gaining confidence as he ranted on, not having spoken with anyone in a week departing on a verbal tear about how 5 million years ago the Atlantic burst through creating the Mediterranean, the breaking of all waters, the birth of the soon to become classical world. How Neolithic first dwellers were followed by the Phoenicians, the first ones sailing back out from as far in as the Levant, founding Carteia at the entrance of Gibraltar Bay. The Rock becoming a place of worship where sailors made sacrifices to the Gods, before venturing out into the endless, the open Atlantic, no more coast, no more shore, only high seas and a fearsome horizon.


Our man going on to tell them that he lives on a nearby avenue right here in N.Y.C., not wishing to have to go far… far whence he came… and anyway usually pissed off about something or other preferring to stay in, not wasting time on encumbrances, doing his viewing and reading competing press reviews from home, but realizing that in the end he needed to get out, hit the streets. Edna suddenly cutting him off, saying Holy Shit, McRae, I’m breathless; you don’t stop talking, you’re taking us all over the place… But Bernie, more fascinated and always eager to broaden his large Manhattan mind, enquiring…


- Reuters?!

- Yup, it's the world's oldest news outfit, in 1865 first to report Abraham Lincoln's assassination!

- Sending you to take a new look at us?

- Why not? My father was a failed car thief...

- In Gibraltar?

-Doesn't it, like… own one street?

- Precisely! And why he failed, my American mother eventually having to send me off to the UK, where I studied political science and journalism, picked up by Reuters, barely nineteen...

- In other words subject of the Queen, with a Yankee side?

- We’re pro-life and pro-gun here, Boy! If you can figure that one out: Welcome Home!



McRae reassuring them he fostered warm feelings for the land of the ostensibly equal, hard-nosed, often fair, but still widely mistrusted and despite Dale Carnegie teaching it how to sell… incapable of selling itself. Concern and constant curiosity what brought me here, back visiting my mother’s land he repeated, noticing that age-old structures were breaking down propelled by hinterland revolts and the anarchic use of gadgets of the digital kind. The danger of a bitter Joe Blow and a hyper Jane Doe’s puerile views bringing a democracy to its knees like the auto-immune disease that attacks an otherwise healthy body; the accidental elevation into office of a fire-brand demagogue or a vulgar metropolitan cowboy, the new phenomenon…. The mention in one breath of street potholes and intercontinental ballistic missiles, the mixing up of all migrants with crime, guns and dope the new public phobia. Those kneejerk expressions of nothingness the new but hollow end-voice of ‘the people’ which are starting to mess up life for everyone, not some religion or political doctrine. All of it true, perhaps inaccurate, perhaps exaggerated, with Edna impatiently taking it in but first needing to figure out if this guy McRae was for real, frustrated and cynical or just a disapproving snob. Once a virtual maid I lost my virtuality a long time ago, she said in attempt to wash her hands off the issue, still thinking McRae might be some show-horse insisting on Oat Cuisine, here only to jump, nights hunt a little cunt, hoping to find a filly that wouldn’t care less mainly because she couldn’t if she tried. But how to even begin really judging a new Stud in the corral, dressed like a Putz, speaking like some post-stamp foreign President with the roar of a mouse?                 



- Knock it off, McRae, this is what’s going on everywhere right now, not just here!

- And I never get used to people, not children, wearing their beliefs on their sleeve...

- Constantly saying how much they love their Mom?

- Americans having to be accompanied by an adult, as Brits say?

- Yeah, I guess sometimes that’s us! Some of us anyway, but so what!?

- Exaggerated patriotism always a dangerous shortfall of personal self-esteem…

- Yeah, maybe! But still a lot better than tossing bombs into crowded fruit markets!


Not my markets Bernie carried on with certain pride. Money just fine with him, giving him a life and the ability to return the favor, in addition his height putting him front row at the spectacle of Edna’s crème caramel tits. Finding out she wasn't trained for her noble mission making sure her kids were well cared for by specialized assistants reporting for work at her Bronx brownstone from early morning well into the night, so paid for by him. Kids needing love, therapy and having to learn, getting mentally and emotionally freed, a halfway house for the crippled and the hurting, probably conceived at the periphery of Rock Fests, Spring Breaks and parking lots McRae would later remark. Children staying with her for a week, ten weeks, whatever, cared for as long as required until N.Y. Child Services found a permanent arrangement for them, their young parents failing them, incapable, unable or unwilling to cope.


Poor kids all of them, McRae spoke out loud, though not an especially compassionate man thinking What a classy broad, as the vernacular went and goes. A woman both submersed in and committed to this sometimes painfully puerile culture of hers. This roving reporter one day putting it all down on paper with the sarcastic Viva la Indiferencia, one of his more sanctimonious forays influenced by people like her, even taking advantage of, in a roundabout way using her personae as a counter force. In it loftily concluding that none of this indifference is a case of hipness, for what’s lacking is a focus. That to love is to focus. Productions like massive Pop Rock concerts not progress but a progression and a lousy one at that, remembering that still a kid he very personally loved his Coltrane playing at Motown on the Rock. Nothing to do with Detroit or its Pop scene, the Mo part standing for Mohammed, its Moroccan owner who also craved Jazz and the American saxophonist one of McRae’s early heroes, especially up close. But the young today refusing this closeness, no longer knowing how to deal with it, contemplation foreign to them, only seeking to be overwhelmed, quickly, superficially, if possible surrounded by thousands and through massive amplification, showered by chemicals and blinding lights; the approval of endless herds of bandwagons out of piss-poor peer taste…


Possibly for not having been the object of such focus himself in the article bemoaning the lack of deep love, protesting its loss, the squandering of it. Yet time would prove, while not admitting to or maybe even being conscious of it, that McRae would often exhibit the very same sort of indifference. Out of insecurity manipulating people who were in no position to spot it, innocents like Edna, and lack of irrevocable loyalty perhaps his greatest flaw of character. A guy nevertheless harping on about focus and love having been replaced by push-button passion, the explosion of brash, fast, self-serving politics, everything street, phone or stadium stamped, and everyone’s problem…. but washing and wiping his hands when it came to himself. The accusation of shallowness passing for depth, of ego-centrism for generosity, of complete indifference for friendship, but McRae denying it as applied to McRae, masterfully excluding himself under the guise of cool objective journalism. In the end even grandiosely sermonizing that ours is no longer such a brave new world, but a lonely, in the end cowering crowd and strangely uncommitted one, callously ending up producing kids like Edna’s unloved little ones. But all words, all mouth, as opposed to real people like Edna and Bernie dealing in the flesh and as best they can, every day proving their magnificent living point.


So that there’s another question to be asked, and it goes… Really, McRae, is this how you play? We’re quickly full circle with you now, aren’t we? Here to dissect America, you said, but committed to generalities, unable to connect deeply to persons, and that Coltrane nostalgia probably all bullshit. Wanting your cake and eating it too, your anthropologist mother forgetting to insist that there comes a moment every man or woman must take full responsibility for their acts, neither blaming the past, the system nor whence they hailed. Which, while sitting in judgment on entire nations is what you’re about to do. And fat chance trying to impress Edna with this stuff, in the end perhaps better off writing an Ode To A Woman I Never Understood, before asking her to approve your dispatches to London for accuracy. Not only because it’s where the same shit reigns, but because of her having figured you out. A reporter as it turns out ad infinitum climbing while descending an M.C. Escher staircase, setting standards he doesn’t himself live up to. And all this so everyone gets to know the man who unexpectedly walked in from nowhere, everyone wondering about him, with Edna playing it cool suddenly pulling the rug out from underneath her companions and their thoughts by blurting out…


- Bernie only reads short stories!

- Only to forget the lady prefers Rufus over me....

- Rufus is coming up in the world!

- Just because he owns the limousine I paid for!

- We all own things others paid for! But earned nonetheless..!

- I was tired of always walking twice the distance of anyone else, so I got myself a driver!

- What a guy....

- Also, so people would take me seriously!

- You could have hired a night stalker… Without one, we’re all  Nobodies it seems!

- To help keep me in the public eye?

- That's not the crime! The crime would be… to screw the crowd!

- Never trust a circus claiming the tallest dwarfs in town. I'm the real thing!

- You can say that again!


Edna and Bernie going at it verbally again, just before the music slipped into a louder mode. The little guy had been out sporting his signature lapel carnation at a basketball game in Madison Square Garden that night. He wasn't crazy about all those jumping beans in numbered shirts, their ugly flying armpits, but enjoyed sitting courtside betting on slam dunks with an Italian pasta man he had acquainted, getting served by him during many a Wall Street lunch. But now it was getting late for him, he'd come in on the off chance Edna would be there alone, always hoping that one night she’d cave in, but now with this Anglo/American press character at her side, his dream becoming mighty damp on the wrong side. It was the moment Rufus arrived looking for them, wearing white gloves on black skin and a wide, glistening grin.


Hello, Sweetie, Nefertiti said, caressing the large hand inside the cloth glove at the end of an endlessly unfolding arm, asking if he'd come for Bernie or for her. First the King, he said; then I’ll drive you home… Take your time, she said in no mood to carouse, sugaring off her man that night. I don't want to leave, got here late, today one of the kids had a small crisis but in the end did fine, so give me a break, I need to unwind! Besides, she added, I'm in good, safe company: Rufus, darling, this is McRae, he's from the UK, a writer with no first name. She wasn't going to be deprived of her night out and ready to settle in unless the substances started to pop up and kick in, people letting themselves get driven by a D.J. guiding them to their alter life, which she didn't want to see, wanting no part of that scene. Hello McRae, Rufus said, not sitting down, appearing restless, having had something different in mind for the late evening, but no longer unloading in the Bronx it seemed, his gal not up to it, quickly thinking hard about where else to go, what else he could do without tipping over the apple cart with her.


I'm out of here, Rufus, if you don't mind, Bernie interjected; help me off this fucking chair, it chafes my thighs, if that's what you can call them… All righty, Sir, the black man spoke, saving words for another day so as not to mince them in this strange, pulsating place...


- Don’t Sir me, Rufus…

- Nice to meet you McRae, but I still got work to do…!

- Call that work?

- What work?


A simultaneous reaction, Nefertiti unhappy with his remark or what it implied jumping right over Bernie's little sarcasm, aiming at Rufus' frankness symbolically kicking him in the balls followed by the two men furtively bowing out into that Harvest Moon night. Like David and Goliath wounded for different reasons but if nothing else moral equals holding invisible hands, leaving the remaining couple to live out the night as long as their patience wouldn’t conk out. Rufus, getting her mood no longer planning on returning and picking her up, leaving her to McRae hoping to save his tryst with her for one later on in the week. If he got lucky, until then sticking it out in Harlem so to speak. Revered there not least for his limo, never stolen, never touched, a symbol of the kind of success some of his people were approaching, he and that vehicle defended to the hilt, the man and his super long vehicle belonging to all and everyone. A superb front guard of a community looked up to in many ways not just for his height but as a man wise enough to respect his lover’s wishes, no tiffs, no bile, in control of his life. Edna abundantly demonstrating she’s a free woman, no cruel bitch like Bovary & Gabler, something Rufus better accept and understand, which he did, having no clue to what or to whom she referred after she’d told him this one night and as far as he was concerned sounded like a cast of foreign movie stars.


- I don't like to be told what to do, but won't stay late either. Those kids of mine get up early...

- I'll see the night out in here; it seems I just got here!

- Try and pick up someone else?

- Why?

- Why not?

- I didn’t hit on you, did I!?

- I know...’twas me! Off-setting the insanity...

- Of New York?

- No! The new century!



Whereby they chatted some more, with Nefertiti fascinated less with the man than with his job. She’d never travelled overseas, not even south to Ipanema, Iguazu, Iquitos, not top drawer when it came to that, even though acquainted with Ichituat, but not right now. Only once by plane and train travelling West flying over the big yawn between the East Coast and the great Midwest tall grass plains, then passing through the Rockies by railroad, its ravines and streams, its bison and bears, the river-crossing elk, its notions of mystery and the San Andreas Fault. Something that as a girl she’d always dreamed of doing seeing old photographs of silver airplanes and the Atchison-Topica-Santa Fé Railway’s domed trains take people to California, passing through Colorado and Arizona’s Apache and Comanche lands on their way to Hollywood where films and other dreams are made. Only to switch the conversation by asking McRae for his informed opinion on London art, his Tate Gallery, refined penis- pink charcuterie artists like Bacon and Freud even though she much preferred the raw graffiti of Big Apple subway cars. For she would often quote articles she picked up on and had read in the Sunday section of the N.Y.Times, and why when first laying eyes on Bernie she thought he looked like a midget who’d stepped straight out of a Velazquez that day, though of course not dressed in 17th Century Royal Court clothes. But this time cleverly manipulating what they talked about because she wasn’t particularly interested in where McRae said he hailed from, that native Rock of his. Not wishing to get personal, not asking him about his hometown, its history, purposely inquiring about Rome, Berlin, tall men, great food, and whatever happened to the Guillotine. All of which still made that McRae was quite taken with her, intrigued by this vaguely informed woman who spoke well and sounded like she knew a thing or two, but also with a mind innocently drifting all over the place. And yes, daring to complain about him doing that exact same thing…. Ah, that drift, shift, deke, dodge and all the rest of it, though in the end discussing anything at all wasn’t easy in a space filled with constant sound, action, distraction, and so they pretty well left it at that. With him at one point and much later into that throbbing night leading her out to help grab a cab, only to go back in for the hunt and more drinks after she drove off. The moment Pato his barman and Iberian neighbor miserably failed him; no great help in lining him up with some other gal. So that this late-night hunter called McRae slowly gave up on his plans for the evening, his dubious take on conquest and love. And, Egyptian lore or not, better off to dwell perhaps on a mantra that selectively and not so very long ago had come to him…


If a cat has 9 lives



And I had 7 cats,

It may be said that I had 63 lives within my own,

With these doing whichever what

None to impose, but a few to waste perhaps,

The hours of dolce-far-niente, of contemplation,

But also of frustration,

In which pain, real and imagined, wouldn’t, couldn’t stop

But here I am, at 3 a.m., 3 cats to go,                                  

And still discovering, hoping...                

For more cats and for far fewer of us,

So doors to solid earthly bliss                  

eke open


Yes, he had to admit he felt strangely attracted to the woman he just sent home and into the dark, someone he was destined to meet again, until he too got revolted by the D.J. screeching his vinyl disks now shaking him to the core, remembering and paraphrasing Beethoven’s quote saying Never break a silence unless you can change it for something… superior.  But as this was not his expertise he asked for his bill, deciding to go home still lusting after Nefertiti the way he fantasized about America. Walk the walk this time, back to his place on the avenue to calm those urges, but during the days and weeks to come likely striking out on all counts. Life on the wrong side of history, yes, his specialty and having an awful lot to do with the way he carried on...






All his people thought that Rufus by banging the crap out of Edna banged the crap out of America, evening out a score, striking a blow for the downtrodden, for the humiliation of being dirt poor in the richest city in the world. Where he came from this not only his badge of honor, but something to live up to, which he did, though not in the way everyone thought....


Etc Etc





Oh, to be buried in Walhalla next to Sergei Rachmaninoff...



I juxtapose so I expose



Debussy was a French modernist composer, Depussy his lover grabbing Debussy until he was Satie'sfied



Herbert Spencer and Ayn Rand were secret lovers, only the fittest survived


Pinker is no Spengler, their odours clash


It seems that not Communism but Facebook & Twitter represent the hollow end-victory of the proletariat



With figurative or classical painting the art lies wholly in the hand, with the abstract totally in the eye



With adjoining front doors on St.Catherine St. in Montreal, a street level burger joint called Steerburger sits right below a Strip club on the building's first floor. So that each time and after their burger a bunch of guys walks out, the upstairs doorman opens his entrance and mumbles: This way, gents! Desert?



I just found out that the Queen of England is a woman. I always thought it was Elton John



Overheard: An innocent question to a 97 year old man in an old folks home:

Sir, what these days is your favourite pastime?

Replied to with the Jewish fake laconic sneer: Breathing!


-Giovanni, who wrote Hamlet?

- I thinka his name wasa Piece Acake, or Chesapeake...

-They named a Bay after him?

-Sì! In America!





Daylight Savaging time


They come from below

They come from above

They invade from all sides


Round the reef

They swim and they float

They crawl and meander

With dizzying colors, stripes

And bizarre eyes

Creatures as if straight from outer space

Arriving and having to eat

Stinging, snapping, swallowing whole


But why the silent horror?


This is worse than New York!





Life everywhere in the cosmos is but a flame, popping up and burning bright then disappearing into waiting night


Existence is life inside a pinball machine




Jean-Paul Satyr


All Polanski wanted to do was screw someone his own size

(From Jekyll & Hyde to Ejeculate & Hide)


Don Quijote de la Mancha loosely translates as Don Quijote, the Man with the Spot


On almost any anatomical diagram our lungs are shown to have the shape of a giant butterfly, its magnificent folded wings ready for take off




No taste for death, no place for doom


The beautiful game, world soccer, has replaced religion as the daily opium of the people.


absolute leaders are absolute murderers


Places like Russia have no natural enemy, they like to invent one as an excuse to keep their power structure in place making that anyone who opposes it is automatically unpatriotic and a national traitor. Humanity at large does the same thing, it invents gods pretending that by adoring them it can overcome its own insignificance. But manipulating  destiny doesn't work long for anyone!


The reason the Venezuelan military is not intervening is that this is the birth of a military dictatorship headed by one fat, useful idiot. They saw how their Cuban counterparts lived happily for over 50 years and said screw the people, this is for us! Yes, 5000 narco generals, compared to the US with only 900 highly principled ones working their ass off.... Un Trou D'Etat, as my friend Claude Balloun likes to call that country!



Poland, Hungary, Rumania, Slovakia, Czech Republic lived for 50 or more years under cruel totalitarian oppression and are finally free in liberal Europe, yet incomprehensibly they all voted in ultra-right, authoritarian, xenophobic governments recently! The world used to talk about the ugly American, but what about the ugly Pole, the ugly Hungarian, the ugly.... And now their neighbour Austria as well! Must be something in the water!!!



I'll have a Ginger Male, she admitted, although I'll settle for a well Hungarian!


Light of day is beautiful, existence terrible sometimes



Moral superiority is the immediate claim of the shameless



The end of the future: The mistaken sense that you fight the ugly with ugliness: where is the moral superiority?



Being the cruelest is the dumbest way to the top. Whereby harshly governed nations inevitably remain fifth rate!



In all my thinking what I need most is time. Let's face it I'm slow, but like the elephant, perhaps not insignificant





Just had my stomach checked by a very pretty nurse, and in it she found three butterflies


Looking Back Forward

Days can’t be captured, moments only superficially by way of photographs.  But he would stop time, cage fleeting happiness with the simple trick of looking forward 10 years, then immediately reverse from there, so enshrining the now....


When only one of the two is inevitable, it's not life that is absurd, but death


Some men are so intelligent, they actually know how to cry


I was a beautiful moment! I showed up for her sexual awakening, it was barely 7 o'clock!


Sillas Salvaescaleras is not a Greek philosopher, but a Spanish stair lift


An aerial view makes a mass, circular religious procession look like a slow moving clusters of insects. But the same for the faster moving vehicles on a L.A. freeway, those mechanical ants on wheels occupied by tiny human beings showing how close by instinct we remain to them





Wittgenstein struggled with his own super intelligence, which at times had no place to go. For the grand irony is that he had to use language to tell us language is a straight jacket and misrepresents. That the word or sound 'snake' for instance has nothing to do with the animal, but I think 'snake' is only an aural tag to differentiate it from 'shoe' or millions of other items, inanimate or alive. Yet when at a certain moment both are absent, become abstract, unable to be pointed at or touched, everybody understands exactly what's being discussed. So what's so misleading about this? I rather think a printed sound, by way of a reference number or barcode in the form characters made of tiny stripes and small (half) circles, promotes clarity and exactness in absencia of the real thing so facilitating truth, not circumventing it.

Unless he meant it is word sequence that wilfully misleads sometimes, attempting to impose or enforce a brutal lie.

But why do I have to guess?

You're not clear Ludwig, my boy!

Victim of your own diagnosis...?






As for the spoken word you'd be amazed to see how many people will wait for you after telling them

"One moment, please! I'll be back in five chickens!"





Dialectic Materialism evaporated when Marx & Engels evolved into Marks & Spencer



Hostile acts emanating from a deep-seeded inferiority complex, not only confirm but perpetuate the rot


After dry cleaning not only did my suede jacket shrink, but logically also its button holes. Though not its buttons, so that as a result I cannot close the damn thing anymore. Let this be a message to astro-physicists: when the whole shrinks, the holes get smaller!. Or should I have studied gynaecology..?.


A State of Flaw and Order


People not only get the Government they deserve, they get the Religion they deserve, because man created God in his image in his attempt to obtain a survival placebo.


Unless of course a lonely God wanted a friend, someone to show off all that planetary beauty He created to, but that smart/stupid and ingrate friend got totally out of hand



 It is not life itself that is surreal, but one in which Magritte and his mockeries are taken seriously.

(this is not a computer)

(this is not here)


Canadians are cold-fashioned, but warm-hearted


On Mordecai Richler: 'Twas the bastard Davidoff, and his pal Old Glen whot got a damn fine writer and an exquisite man!


Middle East: And Aristoteles Wept


- MODERNITY: I met her on the Internet, and her name was Lydia. When she signed off XL, I didn't know whether she meant Love & Kisses, that she is Full Size or a Roman 40 year old


- I was busy paling in comparison to almost everyone, when the phone rang!

- Who called?

- A savage beast!

- What kind of beast?

- Hope!

- A beast called... Hope?

- Couldn't kill her..!

- Cage her...?

- Can't live with, can't live without her..!

-  Sonuvabitch!




         I have started drafting a novella, under the working title



                                                   Ulysses and the Man-o-War


                                                                    Sub-title: Frankie & Billy


Every day, early, when a still gentle sun rises over an east facing promenade, the breeze as always toys with waves rolling west, and a young Frenchman named Billy walks his Labrador on its hard yellow clay. It is known as the Paseo Maritimo, from where he hopes to catch a glimpse of his father taking his morning swim. And where they meet after Frankie rises earlier, the way parents always seem to, afterwards having breakfast together, chatting, beefing, reminisce. The place from where the young man’s eyes never fail to drift towards northern Africa, beyond the azure, and from where a generation ago his family had left.

But then, suddenly, that familiar scene changed; the weather, as so often occurs, within minutes turning radical. And it worried him, for he still hadn't spotted his old man in this rapid squall, born over the strait of Gibraltar where Mediterranean and Atlantic skies instead of kissing, sometimes brutally collide. Ochre the earth of the Spanish coast, striped with the colour of old blood and new, like its flag, its history, its dances, its afternoon, summer bullfights, yet this morning distant fishing boats quickly pulling in their bobbing nets, seagulls crying, warning each other, preparing for strong shears and gusts, and all the anchored oil tankers off the Rock solid but bucking nervously on their chains, agitated, like the young man’s mind. Not necessarily by those dark clouds rising on the horizon, it wasn’t the first time he had seen them, or his dog running wild and excited, chasing balls of flying dust, but because his father Frankie hadn’t come home last night and might have gone straight to the beach, take his ritual swim and wash off his nocturnal sins, at least it’s what he hoped.

But he saw no swimmers in the early morning water, his eyes scanning the surf for a bald man slowly trawling parallel to the sand as long and as far as he would last, and before letting himself drift over shallow submerged rocks so as not to get cut and ripped. Then step out, heaving himself out of the sea to let his wobbly legs carry him onto the shore. The Romans calling this land Finis Terrae, end of the erstwhile world, but now a place where Frankie swam and dealt with his worries, his doubts and the constant memory of what Billy, the son, thinks continues to be his father’s greatest defeat.

The tide was also rising, the new wind whipping south-westerly, the waves already three metres high, pulling away at a man and his struggles, a man in the centre of one, two, and now three storms, the time of year the water chilly so that he would last half an hour, not more. A man dressed not in bathing suit but in an ordinary shirt and torn jeans, having raced into the kelp and froth already in distress, for Frankie was there all right and invisible to the few people walking alongside the beach, including his son.  A man in a battle to leave it all, first the booze, suddenly, too suddenly, then the other pain, the constant pain of paternal betrayal, this morning in a state of delirium tremens, swimming with spastic, fisted hands, kicking, kicking ferociously into those empty yet loaded waves, thinking if not to beat them what are these tides for? Tsunamis to be fought, in his pastis, his mickeys, his endless pitchers of Ribera del Duero wine. Fight, kick those tides as if they were time. And time the space in which the trust between men can get destroyed.


Ideologies are made for small people by small people, and nearly always wrong, Frankie used to think. Even so, they too are tides, and for the masses, but what about the links between a father and son? No not between him and Billy, the kid, but between his own Dad, and him. Sure there are tides in paternal love as well, but never, ever the end of respect. Thinking, the thinking, the years of humiliation never letting up, intensifying every dangerous day, more, more, especially now while he battled and swam, the jellyfish invading him, a Portuguese man-o-war nearly engulfing him, stinging him into a swollen, bloody mess, cut into by the salt, blasted by the floating, pounding sands, on his eyelids, his neck, the still rising sun beginning to strafe from in between the sudden clouds.



(Only a start, more to come.... But in order for me to finish this classic story I need to spend 3 or 4 days in each Oran, and Marseille. It ain't far from southern Spain where I reside, but I just don't have the moolah right now! So I've been thinking about crowdfunding, or krautfunding as my Berlin friends aptly pronounce it.)


What If

What if… the brain is like a face, pretty, ugly, elongated or puffed, skin marked or not, loose or tight, of colour indistinct, wrinkles deep, nose pointed, dull, long, short, chin double or tight, lips large, thin, ears flat, wide, eyes oblique, dark, myopic, below brows bushy, frown sudden, smile furtive, muscles of laughter relaxed, uncertain or fake, cheeks hollow, teeth not stained, but uneven,  gums pink, jaw sunk, suddenly jutted in ways undefined, hair patched, black, brown, blond on grey turf, memory inscribed long ago, opinions caked with acts to match, whether it is night or day, dry or wet, hot or cold?

Or more like a landscape, a voyage in it, through it, on it, in which case desert, forest, swamp, plain, mountain range, ocean, beach, ice field, a river, a lake?


Would it help navigating our fellow, our selves, circumventing calamity, heartbreak?




-Beckett's ugly beauty: When he opens Murphy with the Joycean, somewhat awkwardly phrased, yet beautifully poetic The Sun Shone, Having No Alternative, On The Nothing New.... he admits that, by itself, the sun shining also has nothing new, so that what we have here is the Nothing New shining on the Nothing New, and not so much a reverberation, as perhaps a lazy start.


- In his hand, close to his mouth, he held something that looked like a smoking turd, but must have been a Havana


- Remembrance of Things Past is a lousy translation of Proust's A la Recherche du Temps Perdu in that all things remembered are in the past, making this a tautology. In Search of Lost Time is only slightly better as search and loss are mutually implied with 'lost time' sounding like a factory problem. The latter also has no rhythmic quality whatsoever, and why I would settle for Of Days Time Forgot! But then whoever came up with the simple movie title Time Regained hits the proverbial nail right on the head.


- Tombs filled with the ignominious: Are they also set free?

-And A Reminder To The Haughty!

Never forget, Ma’am, sitting down at dinner, in your splendid gown, adorned with your finest jewels, that the waiter's balls, however-well-covered, dangle only 23.5 cm from your face.

- Now, may I have your over-reaction!?


- There is nothing sadder than an empty theatre, except for that desperately hurting child, outside!


       And then this small bed-time thought


- True intelligence creates awareness

- The first notion it produces, recognising the self

- The second notion, to ask the self a question

-This question: Why?

-The third notion, finding the answer

- The one immediately implied, pinpointing purpose

- Man in search of purpose as much as needing a morsel of bread, a gulp of breath

- The difference that he can make the former up, compromising his true intelligence, and a greater tragedy than death.

- Off with saviours and amulets.


 La Concha

I live below a cubistic looking mountain, about the size of Aix-en-Provence's Mont Sainte-Victoire, Cézanne’s domain.

No, it wasn’t painted by Braque or Picasso, but in the ever changing light of day appears that way, delineated against the endless sky, an anchor, seemingly altering its appearance every hour on the hour, its sharp yet subtle angles stacked upon each other, reaching up towards its Matterhorn-shaped top.

Flat planets are dead planets. There would be no life on earth without constant volcanic action added to solar heat: humanity following flora and fauna in their footsteps, the last one to join the biological fray, and why I cannot live without my mountain, my life, itself the child of tectonic might, tenderly watching over me.





- My gay pal William who works for NATO in Brussels brags that each time he travels to Washington, he stays in a Five-Star General. (He doesn't like Rear-Admirals, especially in choppy seas)


- Woe, begun! What strikes me in nature is that prey never fights back! No anger, no indignation, something that I would call unbearable equanimity, and acquiesced brutality also common in parts of the human world. For is it normal to go gentle into that not so good night?

- I'm a friend of hours

-Gravity, that tireless sculptor of flesh and earth



    Magnificent! Nearly every frame a study in camera composition. I wish I could paint like this, in prose!


- Some will kill to belong, even when what they believed in has vanished long ago. Conformity a compulsive abstraction, or is the excitement of doing something significant even in theory, too strong for small minds? (Moravia/Bertolucci, the film)


- Do a story on a sneak love theft during a large public calamity, called: Under Cover of Conflict, like in a warzone plotting to steal a neighbour's pretty wife by anonymously denouncing her husband and having him arrested and eventually executed. Then patiently consoling her, consoling her, consoling her, with her coming to think Who is this wonderful man who by miracle came into my life?


- During her worst moments, the hours of profound loneliness, the elderly widow would grab a mop, turn it upside down, put on a tango, and passionately dance it through her kitchen, over and over again. No, not her last tango, and definitely not in Paris.....


Espermatozoïdes Caseras no es un filósofo Griego


- During an interview David Foster Wallace refers to "The reality I live in...", indirectly admitting there are other, in their totality larger, by definition more important ones.



A Dog Named Dylan

(push full screen button for extra canine effect)




Man should neither live

like mole afraid

of darkness,

nor as someone’s slave

‘ been given


Only taming himself

by feeding not stealing his other,

raging at injustice

and at day’s end,

 any held out




(now if only I could find a bulldog to record my Rage poem)


-Goethe, one 'good' old German, said he'd take injustice over anarchy anytime. But he didn't live under Stalin, Hitler or in someone else's police state. Where order remained the greatest injustice of all,  dictators early on slipping into moral autism, creating their cruel, their idiotic thugocracies.

- My doppelgänger is made of anti-matter, he rides antilopes, eats only anti-pasta and drinks anti-freeze. He is a semi-conductor who leads the orchestra half of the time, I do it the rest of the year.

-Godard equates age with space, as in: How much space have we left?

- Or as in: Time is the space one needs to reach someone else!

- The President of Brasil noticed the solecism of the Carnaval dancer, not wearing anything underneath her miniskirt, inviting her up to his tribune, then up to his palace, en-suite up to his private chambers. She wasn't around when he was forced to resign.

- The super-collider people have a point. This morning my neutrinos made it to the bathroom before I did.


- I've added at least twelve poems to my collection, please scroll down under Selected Poems and check them out!

- You're in trouble when you think you're lying on a porcelain-white beach, a stone's throw from azure water, taking sun, when it starts to pour, and you look up into the suddenly grown-dark sky and all you see hanging up-high... is some damp, curly hair and two pink slices of roastbeef.

- C'est Emmenthal, mon cher! (Elementary, my dear?)

- Waugh, be gone!


Rangoon Night




Between two orders

of rotten Sushi

Aung San Suu Kyi



Auld Lang Syne

                                                                 off key

I drown

sudden sorrow

in shoddy local Sake

And before

New Year's Eve's

slow Burmese death





Read my 1 Act tragi comedy Charlie's Not Home Much Anymore! It's up under Plays, the objective to electrify. A blaze! Jake has tracked down elderly Charlie, suspecting him of horrible war crimes. He uses every trick in the book, including playing on the other’s evident loneliness and trying to speak and joke like him to gain his confidence. All of this to have the fugitive come clean without offering him any redemption or reward. Old Charlie’s been on the run all his life and uses every cunning device, speaking evasive nonsense and telling banal jokes to say absolutely nothing and in the first person singular at least, deny everything. What evolves is a hyper modern war of wit and linguistic acrobatics, both funny and immensely serious.


Last Call



A lush

and sultry


A mist

of shadows,

a veil

of Blues,

a breeze

of fine,

white breasts,

in semi-darkness





loathing rush

and hushing,













the stage






Exactly what happens to me. Struck by a luminous idea, invariably told that I don't know what I'm talking about...


 - Rococo was Baroque's Dadaism, Postmodernism nothing but Neo-Retro, then again everything's Neo-Retro! And this is not art-wank!

- Poor bastard, always grabs someone else's convictions, and when they no longer work, steals another one! (See the Charlie play)

- The Veneration of St John the Fascist (See the Charlie play)

- When asked about the stunning shape I'm in, I tell them mornings I do a full workout including weightlifting, afternoons topped off... with a little shoplifting.

-Read about Tape's Last Krapp, in Waiting for Beckett (Essays)

- The man having the genital transplant was fondly re-membered

-Sorry, Pound and Eliot! I don't like poetry needing translation back into its own language. Deliberate obfuscation, go eschew yourself!


-The Axeman Cometh


                                                                    Café De Pilaren


After the tourist season rolled by the natives would reclaim their rustic watering hole; Bergen a pretty village on the coast where everyone knew everyone. Which could be an oppression worse than the one intrepid tourism imposed, in summer, crowding roads! For is it good that in winter these folks can tell exactly who’s entering the establishment, at precisely what time, in the way the old door knob gets turned and the frontdoor gets pushed open, then closed? Hesitatingly, firmly, softly, or impatiently, with some sort of care or aggressive abandon, followed by the immediate certainty which anecdote will again be told, out of a collection of only six or seven, heard or overheard a hundred fold! Beforehand also knowing which drink will get ordered and imbibed, by whom, the tired waiter bringing the bill in the same amount, paid with the same reluctance precisely two hours on. In spring the invading masses welcomed back with predictable relief, a certain gratefulness prevailing, despite their foreign tongues, the loudness and the shouting clothing. Or would one want to go to Bergen at all, let alone live there, by the sea that most no longer saw? Only that door knob, not loved, but feared if not by all, apparently by most?!


                    Confessions of a Feathered Friend


Here I am, sitting on the roof of collected notions, a construction put up over centuries by people wanting so badly to be wanted, that for lack of better, they invented someone doing just that. Then attempt making this invisible presence not only visible but permanent, by building this monstrosity, as if it changes anything. And only because sitting outside, on the grass, playing the same game, cannot be passed on, they think, although this would be so much more... genuine.

I landed on the parapet of what feels more like a gaol than a place of inspiration and joy. Built, believe it or not, to keep out many of their playmates, but at least giving me the chance to rest and reflect after one of my own flights of fancy. They call it House of God, but up here wired it electrically while below and at dark shutting doors to keep out the tired, the hungry and the sick as if these suffer by the clock. And making me wonder how they built these enormous structures with a stiff neck, always looking the other way, yet endlessly at and after themselves.

And what about the prejudice that comes with saving your hide before saving the one of others, by the creatures building these structures? Because even if they have no fur and no hair to speak of, hides they do have, and thick ones, too, though no feathers. Telling us we’re unclean, diseased and defecating all over, when they’re making a mess of things wherever they dwell. Mistrusting and killing each other when they feel like it, in the name of a slow brainwave, they call Lord.

Here, hold my horn-rimmed glasses and my cigar and my Manhattan and I’ll show you in the Wall Street Journal why we stand accused of infesting society. Though look, look at me, I didn’t hurt anyone, releasing my droppings all over the place, spreading viruses or waking up the world with loud cooing all the time. That’s them and almost a business it seems.

Truth, by definition, cannot be prejudice, they say by way of self-defence and unable to take the slightest criticism, insisting that if hundreds of thousands of a certain kind do something, they’re all guilty and subversive to boot, especially if and when not of the same prayer. But even if I’m peaceful, clean, entertaining, providing and sharing, they’ll still insist they’re right about me. And that’s when I say, as long as there’s one who’s different, one with pin-striped plumage, they should never say ‘They’re all like that!’, don‘t you agree? Afterwards hectoring it’s all in the proportions, that true, nothing is absolute except their faith, and claiming all the same to be overwhelmed by us, when actually they’re the ones doing all the overwhelming. Implying we’re the invading kind, taking over their society, and certainly, we have our own vision, at least I do and so do mine and so what? Though we must learn to keep a low profile, not flap our wings too much, because down there they’re in control, not up here, thank who or whatever for that.

No, more I look at them, less I want to be like them despite some of that fleeting success of theirs. Sure, sometimes I wished I could cross my legs and sit like them, and least when reading my newspaper, but as for the rest they’ve lost it. Like if I built myself a granite coop with smart, stained windows and a huge, bolted door, coercing dozens of mine to sit inside and sing dressed up, no longer able to hear the music produced by water and wind, by songbird brothers, and sisters, and others of course.


It’s good to be out looking in, it’s good to be up looking down, it’s good to be few and free and strong, when they’re many and weak. I know I’m sitting on their structures, but I can leave and they can’t, the price they pay for visible permanence. I can float, sail, rise, dive, crossing oceans on my own, eating, drinking, resting, feeling happy and living just as long, with those I love, flying along. And I’ve never killed or hurt anyone. So of those two worlds, which is the better one? And this Lord of theirs, does He know what company He keeps, what He has also wrought?

But now forgive me. I'm off to see an ornithologist... about that pigeon stool I use, to express myself.

- Oh, go practice onomatopoeias!

-The Spanish writer Manuel Alcàntara puts it this way: Somos un pueblo estupendo para la pesca. Si tuviéra rio... ( We, the Spanish, are a nation of terrific fishermen, if only there were a river!) ( He said it, not me. But the fleet is large!)


- En Español pueden ver y escuchar mi video sobre Beckett y Godot: watch?v=56SqMG0yFQY








Kafka’s is the art of comic exasperation, deploying absurd even paranoid pseudo logic, labyrinthine insurance company and regulatory double-thought and dead-end speak, at one point probably convincing Derrida and the rest of deconstructionists, to become plumbers.


Of course, calling officials, their projects and indirectly the Government itself the Arrangement, says a lot about Kafka's own state of mind. (Personally, I think the Deranged is more like it!), but he still created world literature out of the texts that as an insurance lawyer and later a Workman's Compensation Board verifier, engulfed him. He imitated the structures of treacherously simplistic circular language so prevalent in his daily work. Additionally, the endless incompetence and deliberate deception on the part of both the authorities and the public constantly placed him in the middle of one contention or another. This triggered his Walter Mitty-like imagination, a form of self-defence, his day-dreaming both escape and a distancing from recurrent nightmares, off-setting them and other health problems to preserve his sanity.



The crows maintain that a single crow could destroy heaven. This is beyond a doubt, but doesn’t prove anything against heaven, since heaven means, precisely, the impossibility of crows!’ is a famous example of a statement of breath-taking incongruity. It only makes one laugh; even by correcting it to say the absence of crows wouldn't make it much clearer. Like some dyslexic atheist debating the impossibility of dogs, instead of gods, unless the case at hand is the result of a translation problem, as I haven't read the original. Anyway, the whole thing a bit like saying a statement by a person doesn't make sense, because the man is mute.



Yes, Kafka was a great tragicomic figure, one for whom in the end even a fire hydrant represented some sort of totalitarian threat. His humour all part of that self-defence, as was exaggeration. For I visited the castle in Prague; it's an innocent enough structure, housing contemporary government offices, but as it’s located on a hill overlooking the Moldau, in Kafka's dreamy eyes exercising an authority far beyond its real scope. Yes, the Prague Castle is as innocent as one on a medieval Spanish hill top, in particular those high coastal fortifications and watch towers in Andalusia, constructed to keep exactly who (?) out, as invaders were and had been... the Moors themselves!? Part of a paranoiac 'arrangement', in other words, the Moors ultimately getting defeated in the interior of the Iberian peninsula, as was to be expected, and by the Christian Kings, not by wily Barbary Coast pirates or some other invading naval force. So that these castles were not what they were cracked up to be, more part of someone's fantasy, as in the case of Kafka.


Shades of combatting windmills then, and Don Quijote. Taken in mostly by the symbolism of the Prague Castle, Kafka did set out to unmask that menacing old fool behind the curtain, much like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, at the end of the day both lodging victory. For Kafka is not only Don Quijote, Kafka is Dorothy, though a much better writer than she!




- Courageously crossing Okeanos, Sir, performing months of strenuous field work in Greece, are you able to tell us: Do goats have a clitoris?

- I'm sorry, I don't speak ελληνικ!

- Not even with your new fiancée?

- Especially with her!

- Must be quite a beast, Sir

- When I was young I got some guacamole all over my ukulele. It was horrible, horrible...

- And why call it a watch anyway?. Do we call a pair of glasses a see? Our hand a touch. Our ear a listen. I have a pimple on my smell, did you notice?

- And what's with a fly? Do we call our dog a walk? A fish, a swim? Or if we can do no better than calling an orange an orange, isn't the very least we can do calling a banana... a yellow?


-                                               -Faculty Prince: Oh, no! Not another iconoclast!

- Maverick: Oh, no! Not another conformist!

- Faculty Prince: Sudden changes kill, structures protect!

- Maverick: Structure is past. Past doesn't protect, past confirms

- Faculty Prince: Anarchy's not the cure

- Maverick: Neither's apathy

- Faculty Prince: I'm neither a coward, nor a parasite

- Maverick: Then let me breathe

- Faculty Prince: How's that? Do I suffocate you?

- Maverick: No. Your absolute certainties do!


- The dim-witted never give death a second thought. It or le mal-d'être, strictly speaking the condition of suffering from your own intelligence. If you have any. The agony it sometimes creates. The anxiety of it. For better or worse, the ability to recognize yourself in the mirror of animate existence. Cognition commotes, doesn't it?

- Outrageous (White) Lies:


My son has discovered he's allergic to towels, the reason he can't shower

Posing naked is proving allergy to textiles doesn't leave me any scars (Starlet)

I refuse to read Proust, because of the recent French ban on imported British beef (British Political Commentator)

If you hadn't let him in, I wouldn't have slept with him (Arletty, the French actress, to her accusers, about having had a love affair with a Nazi Luftwaffe general, in occupied Paris, during the the Second World War)

- Having absolutely nothing to do with this: Many obstetricians are obstinate patrician

- My friend Scarlett O'Hara may have had a heart condition

- The Dutch word for 'accident' is an 'unhappiness'. An unhappiness occurred on the night of St Peter, when a bull broke loose bolting into Mrs Entwistle's porcelain shop, causing great damage and agony. An unhappiness, indeed...

- Read about arsenic and black lace around white thighs in A Kiss By The Clowns

- Political aside: N-K : Terrible societies where the young get a single career choice: become executioner or victim, nothing else. Whereas historically we have fought for and opened up the beautiful space that exists between these cruel extremes.



- Hitler proves Einstein wrong: contrary to common interpretation E = MC2 stands for Energy equals Madness times the Speed of Light, squared. The great physicist belatedly recognizing the limitless energy emerging from massive daylight idiocy and, somewhat embarrassed as you can see, accepting the amendment I formulated.

(Besides his brain Einstein also had one hell of a tongue, the tip of which nearly reached the end of his chin, suggesting he may have had some other expert abilities.....)

-The question is, can satire take satire and parody, parody?

- Today I won't scrub my rabbit, but may rinse my hare instead

- I don't think it'll moose, but do you think it might reindeer?

- Gide, the French writer, suggested that by the time he's in his fifties a real man should have had syphilis and the Légion d'Honneur, though not necessarily in that order. While Brecht, the German playwright, acidly asked Why be a man if you can be a success? And speaking of the horse's mouth: He should know; by all accounts old Bertold was not much of a man, but a great success. Would that standards vary...

- It's not easy being mediocre he must have sighed, and of course it's hard work. Nearly as much as being brilliant, he reluctantly discovered: Read COBB'S JOLT


                                                      - Cobb's hurting!

                                                      - What happened?  

                                                      - He got struck by her wallet!

                                                      - Was it full?

                                                      - Yes, or he wouldn't have been struck by it!

                                                      - Sure hope he doesn't get Ballsheimer's...

                                                      - Forgetting her? Forgetting us?

                                                      - I hope not!



Fairy Tales: Cervantes wrote we're not immortal, but we should live life as if we were. This essay is not some tiresome Karma running over Dogma rant, but a passionate plea for dignity in human affairs by an ordinary XXI century citizen, hoping to eliminate 'truth' jobs once and for all. The Proctologist helping the Philosopher to get over himself. More like what Katherine Hepburn had to say, insisting We listen to the song of life...

Tradition: The Critical Core: Can't teach an old dogma new tricks (D. Parker)! Read about the treachery of tradition, how obstinate tradition is obsolete tradition, and the way in which Every man's a nation could change all that. How Michel de Montaigne already said it 400 years ago: If I can't govern the world, the least I can do is govern myself. With this author adding that the real, the only Body Politic is me, is you, plus that shooting new roots is always healthier than inheriting them...

Truth & Lies: "It's all a misunderstanding," Leni Riefenstahl admitted. "I had a mad crush on Adèle Fitler."  (You read it here first!)

Waiting For Beckett: read why I concluded that Godot is a deeply religious play, not in a conventional sense perhaps, but in the way that any Godot would do, as long as we are wanted ... (Because with this of course comes a sense of protection, the warming fairy tale that something or someone looks after us, that we're not mere clouds of chemicals going the same place as dead rodents.)

On Fundament: deals with robotic believers, obstinate literalists willing themselves to denigrate the metaphor, killing life for total lack of moral imagination. Could it be that Mars was formerly inhabited by them, viewing what was left behind...?

Humour/Laughter/Silence: paragraphs 5, 6 and 11 were altered, adding notions that the very best comics are always deadly serious, and that while some like to think of the Messiah as a joke, I submit that much to the contrary Humour is the real Messiah, or that the young Bororo men in Niger dress-up outlandishly once a year and humour a woman in order to win her hand, obliged to prove they can make her laugh and smile rather than impress with crude masculinity: not bad for a desert tribe. Or: Just line the street then march up to the gates of cruelty and incompetence and laugh out loud, before turning to your even louder silence. Damnation....

Plus... These days, everybody writing yet again about Freud, I make the link between him and that old Canadian trick of putting a small piece of fur round the keyhole of your front door, when it's freezing cold and dark outside and you're groping to get in... (track the name in my blog)


                                                                * * * * * * *


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Caveat Lector: In order to protect international copyrights, all my works have been deposited with EU & US based notaries.